


Wanna Love You Again

by epikvip1007



Category: iKON (Kpop)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-19 15:09:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8213633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epikvip1007/pseuds/epikvip1007
Summary: This is a continuation (I guess) on my story "For Love"  
You don't have to have read "For Love" to understand this (partly bc I put the whole of "For Love" into this story)
This'll just be a longer more extended version of what I think the whole story behind that one snippet is
Keep in mind, the italics are flashbacks/dreams (most of the time the dreams are flashbacks





	1. A Long Night

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation (I guess) on my story "For Love" 
> 
> You don't have to have read "For Love" to understand this (partly bc I put the whole of "For Love" into this story)
> 
> This'll just be a longer more extended version of what I think the whole story behind that one snippet is
> 
> Keep in mind, the italics are flashbacks/dreams (most of the time the dreams are flashbacks

Bobby stumbled into their apartment in a drunken state, knocking things over as he made his way towards the bedroom.  Jinhwan, who had fallen asleep on the couch waiting up for Bobby to get home, woke up to the noise and got up, rubbing sleep from his eyes.  He turned on the light in the living room, making Bobby jump from the sudden brightness.

 

“Oh, yurr up?”  Bobby slurred.

 

“Kim Jiwon, it is almost four in the morning.  Where the fuck were you all night?”  Jinhwan shouted, fed up with his boyfriend’s behaviour.

 

“Um… I was out wif Hanbin.”  Bobby walked past Jinhwan and dropped down onto the couch.

 

“This is the third time this week that you’ve come home like this.  I could put up with it in college, but I can’t do this anymore.”  Jinhwan said, not facing Bobby, his head hanging a little.  He pulled off his promise ring, a cheap little thing that Bobby had paid too much money to win at a carnival, and set it on the dining table.  It was then that Bobby pulled himself out of his drunken stupor enough to realize there was a suitcase by the door.  He shot up, tripping over his own feet as he did so.

 

“Wait, Jinhwan.”  He pleaded, reaching out to try to grab his boyfriend’s wrist.  Jinhwan pulled his arm away and walked towards the door, shrugging on a jacket and slipping a pair of sneakers on.

 

Bobby tried to chase after him, but his head was pounding and he could barely see straight enough to walk let alone run down stairs.  He made his way back to the apartment and closed the front door, leaning his head against it.   _ I fucked up. _  That much he knew, even with his thoughts clouded by alcohol.  He turned around so that his back was leaning against the door and pulled his phone out.  It probably wasn’t logical to call the man that just left him ten times in the span of fifteen minutes.  But that wasn’t what was going through Bobby’s head as he sent text after text apologizing and begging for Jinhwan to come back.  At some point he fell asleep, his head leaned back against the hard metal of the door, phone still in hand.  

~~~~~~~

_ It was the night of graduation and they were out with Jinhwan’s parents.  Bobby’s parents had tried to get an earlier flight but it got delayed because of a rain storm.  Jinhwan’s parents treated them to dinner at a nice restaurant.  They were so proud of their boy making it through college.  In some ways, they were his parents too.  When they started dating, Jinhwan’s mom wouldn’t stop calling to make sure that Bobby was taking care of himself.   _

 

_ “Hey, the guys are throwing us a party.  We should get going soon.”  Bobby said, leaning into Jinhwan as they walked down the street, trailing behind his parents. _

 

_ “My parent’s aren’t here for that long though.”  Jinhwan said, frowning a little.  “They have to fly back to Jeju tomorrow.  I was hoping to spend more time with them.” _

 

_ “Okay, I’ll tell them to shove Yunhyeong’s face into the cake instead.”  Bobby pulled his phone out to relay the message to Donghyuk.  “Man, his parent’s were bawling when he walked across the stage.” _

 

_ “I think everyone was at least a little teary eyed.  I know your parents are going to be sobbing the whole ride back from the airport.”  Jinhwan pointed out.  “I can’t believe we did it.”  He continued, his voice getting softer. _

 

_ “It sucks that the rest of the guys still have a year to go.  I’m surprised the three of us even made it.”   _

 

_ “Doesn’t mean you can still party like a college kid though.”  Jinhwan half joked.   _

 

_ “Don’t worry Jinny.”  He reassured him. _

 

_ “Come on, we should catch up to my parents.”  The two walked a little faster towards the older couple waiting by their rental car.    _

~~~~~~~

Jinhwan got to Taehyun and Mino’s place around five in the morning.  It was maybe the tenth time he had stayed with them over the past couple years.  Five out of those ten times were in the last six months.  Jinhwan just didn’t get how Bobby didn’t realize what he was doing was immature and irresponsible.  He had left so many times he was starting to lose track.  He went back to him so many times he started questioning his own sanity.  But he was determined that this would be the last time.  No matter how much Bobby begged, he wouldn’t go back.  Not this time.  This was the last straw.   

It was a mistake to leave his phone on.  Jinhwan ignored the device’s incessant buzzing before ultimately turning it off.  All of the texts and calls weren’t going to sway him.  He had to cut himself off from Bobby completely this time.  Something easier said than done.  Despite his commitment, Jinhwan couldn’t help but stare at the black screen of his phone into the early hours of the morning.  He also couldn’t help but feel alone and heartbroken.  He couldn’t help but cry.

 

Jinhwan finally fell into sleep on Taehyun and Mino’s couch, his face still stained with tears.  It might not have been the first time he left, but it still hurt.  It hurt to think that Bobby disregarded him so much that he would keep going partying with Hanbin.  It hurt to think no matter what he said, he couldn’t get through to Bobby.  It hurt to love someone as much as he did and be ignored so much.

~~~~~~~

_ Jinhwan looked out at the Han River in a somber silence.  He knew Bobby was out partying and getting high with Hanbin again and he cursed his stupid boyfriend for leaving him alone in his head.  Then, as if on command, Jinhwan heard a car pull up followed by footsteps.  Bobby’s arms wrapped around Jinhwan’s small frame and hugged him close. _

 

_ “Yah!  You know I hate it when you do this stuff.”  Jinhwan pouted and pulled away from Bobby, turning to face the other boy.   “I told you not to hang around Hanbin, he’s gonna get you in trouble one day.”  Bobby grabbed Jinhwan's hands in his. _

 

_ “I know Jinny, that’s why I told him tonight that I couldn’t hang out with him anymore.  He got really mad and started calling you names so I punched him in the face.”  Jinhwan squinted his eyes, not sure if he believed his boyfriend or not. _

 

_ “I swear Jinhwan, I’m clean,” Bobby held his hands up as if surrendering.  The shorter boy still had his suspicions. _

 

_ “That’s what you said last time, Bobby. It's always the last time with you." _

 

_ “Jesus, Jinhwan,” Bobby said with frustration.  He stepped forward and closed the gap between the two.  He crashed his lips against Jinhwan’s.  Jinhwan pulled back again and looked down.  “See, I’m not lying this time.  No drugs, no alcohol.”  Bobby held his boyfriend by his shoulders, looking down at him with a gentle gaze.  He lifted Jinhwan’s chin and smiled. _

 

_ “You’re cute when you pout.”  Bobby said, leaning down to kiss him again. _

 

_ “I’m sorry I doubted you,” Jinhwan mumbled, feeling guilty for not believing Bobby. _

 

_ “You had reason to, I’m not exactly the perfect boyfriend.”  Bobby laughed, his eyes disappearing and his bunny teeth showing.   _

 

_ “No, but you’re  _ **_my_ ** _ boyfriend.”  Jinhwan grinned and pulled Bobby back down for a kiss. _

 

_ "I love you Jinhwan." Bobby said, smiling into their kiss. _

 

_ "I love you too." _

 

_ Yeah right _ .  Jinhwan thought as he woke up.  


	2. The Aftermath

63 texts and 14 missed calls.   _ Maybe I should just get a new number. _  Jinhwan thought as he turned his phone back on.  Taehyun had left for a photo shoot and Mino was working at the car garage, leaving Jinhwan alone with his feelings.

 

It was a slow afternoon for Jinhwan.  He had some homework assignments he had to grade, but he couldn’t get his brain to focus on anything other than the absence in his heart.  Instead, he sipped a cup of tea while resisting the urge to text Bobby back.  The buzzer pulled him out of his thoughts and into reality.  Jinhwan shuffled over to the panel by the door to check who was at the door.  It wasn’t all that surprised to see Bobby staring back through the security camera.

 

“Jinhwan I know you’re there.  Please,  **please** , just come down so we can talk.”  There was a desperation in Bobby’s voice that had never been there before and Jinhwan’s voice wavered as he tried to speak. 

 

“I- I can’t.  Just leave, Jiwon.”  

 

“Please, Jinhwan.  I’m sorry I stayed out last night and I’m so-” 

 

“No, don’t apologize when I know you don’t mean it.  How many times have you said those words?”  Jinhwan cut Bobby off, his voice still shaking but his tone firm.  “You do whatever you want but then feel guilty after and come running to apologize.  And I always forgave you.”  Apparently Jinhwan hadn’t cried out all the liquids in his body last night because as he spoke, tears brimmed his eyes and spilled down his cheeks.  “But it’s not fair.  It’s not fair to me or to you to keep doing this.  If you want to party your life away be my guest, it’s not my problem anymore.”

 

“So what, you’re just ending us like that?  After four years you just run away and cut me out of your life?”

 

“Don’t you **dare** put this on me.  I told you over and over again that all the drinking and smoking had to stop.  In college I was willing to accept it more, but now, **he’s** just a sinking ship dragging you down with him.”  Bobby looked utterly defeated.  But it’s not like Jinhwan felt like he won anything, he was equally as broken.  “I can’t handle the pain any more, Jiwon.”  Jinhwan backed away from the panel until he hit a wall and sank down onto the floor, curling up into himself.

 

Eventually Bobby walked away from the apartment building.  Jinhwan watched him leave from the window in the living room and saw Bobby look up from the street to where he knew Taehyun and Mino’s window was.  From where he was, Bobby could see the top of Jinhwan’s head poke out. 

 

Taehyun got back from his shoot to find that Jinhwan was curled up on the couch, his eyes rimmed red.  He set his bag down and went over to his friend, wrapping an arm around Jinhwan’s shoulders.  Jinhwan leaned into Taehyun’s side, crying on his shoulder.

 

“I guess he came to visit then.”  Taehyun whispered.  Jinhwan sniffled and nodded in response.  “You okay?”  Clearly Jinhwan was not okay, but Taehyun felt inclined to ask.  

 

“This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.”  Jinhwan mumbled.  “Why couldn’t he be more like Mino?”  He thought out loud.

 

“If he was more like Mino you wouldn’t have even said yes when he asked you out.”  Taehyun countered.  

 

“You know what I mean.”  Jinhwan sighed covering his face with his hands.  “When you guys graduated he stopped acting like a frat boy.”  

 

“Bobby will come around.”  Taehyun assured Jinhwan.  “It’s you I’m worried about.  Are you going to be able to do this?”  Jinhwan exhaled a sigh of defeat and shrugged.

~~~~~~~

The rest of the week wasn’t any easier.  Jinhwan would leave the school to find Bobby waiting for him by his car or by the bus stop.  Walking past him without even a glance was maybe the hardest part.  Jinhwan found himself avoiding certain streets, certain parts of the park, favorite cafes and restaurants.  He steered clear of anything that would remind him of Bobby.

 

The next week it was like Bobby didn’t even care to try to talk to Jinhwan.  He still waited outside the school for Jinhwan to get off work, but no longer did he beg Jinhwan to look at him, to yell at him, hit him, anything that would tell him that Jinhwan still thought about him.  Instead Bobby just watched as Jinhwan brushed past him to get back to Taehyun and Mino’s place.  

 

And that’s how it went for a while.  

~~~~~~~

“Dude, why aren’t you answering my calls?”  Hanbin asked.  He was standing in the doorway of Bobby’s room, arms crossed, and pissed.  

 

“I didn’t feel like it.”  Bobby answered, his voice muffled by the blankets he had pulled over his head.  Hanbin crossed the room in two steps and yanked the blankets off the bed.

 

“Get your ass up, we’re going out.”  

 

“I don’t want to.  Go without me.”  Bobby put a pillow over his head so he wouldn’t have to listen to Hanbin whine.

 

“It’s been almost a month since he left you, it’s time to move on.  You’re no fun anymore, all you do is hide in your apartment and stalk Jinhwan.  Seriously dude, I think you need to get laid.  Like ASAP.”  When Bobby didn’t offer a snappy comeback, Hanbin pulled Bobby by his ankles in an attempt to get him out of bed.

 

“Dude, what the fuck?  Let go!”  Bobby shouted.  Needless to say he was caught off guard by the sudden movement.  He kicked a leg out, narrowly missing Hanbin’s crotch.

 

“Man, you never want to go out, you never answer my texts, it’s like you don’t exist.  I just want my bestfriend back.  I want the Bobby that knew how to party back.”  Hanbin let out an exasperated sigh, raking a hand through his hair.

 

“Can’t you see I don’t want to hangout?  Your idea of a party is getting fucked up on drugs or getting drunk and taking a stranger home.  That’s not me.”  Bobby got up to face his best friend, meeting his glare with his own.

 

“No that’s not what Jinhwan wants you to be!”  Hanbin’s voice was getting incrementally louder as he spoke.  “Jinhwan is nothing like you!  He doesn’t like big crowds, he doesn’t like partying, hell, I don’t even know why you asked him out in the first place!”  

 

“Because he’s smart, and caring, and the way he smiled was fucking angelic, and God what I would do to get him back.”  Bobby’s voice met Hanbin’s, raising in volume but not in anger.  “But now it’s too late.  I didn’t listen to him when he practically begged me to stop partying with you and look where it got me.”

 

“So what?  You’re picking him over me?”  Hanbin shouted.

 

“I’m not saying that, but if I could go back and redo it all I wouldn’t have stayed out so late, I would have said “No” a few more times.  You’re my best friend, why are you making me pick?”  

 

“Because he would rather keep you locked up, having dinner dates at home than let you do what you fucking wanted to do!”

 

“Jesus Hanbin, that’s not true!  You don’t know a single thing about us if you think Jinhwan would do something like that!”

 

“Or maybe you’re just too blind to see how he’s changed you.”  Hanbin countered.

 

“God, you don’t get it, do you?  He hasn’t changed me, and even if he has I don’t give a shit because I know it’s for the better.  That’s what loving someone else is about, Hanbin.  But you wouldn’t know because you just stick your dick in whatever looks your way.  You have  **zero** right to question me because you don’t know what it feels like to love someone so hard you can’t breathe.”

 

“Wow, tell me how you really feel  **ass hole** .”  Hanbin stood in shock after hearing Bobby’s words.  “Good to know you’d rather be with that bitch ass ex than hangout with me.”  Hanbin spoke quieter now as he backed out of the room.  He left Bobby alone in his room and slammed the front door on his way out.

~~~~~~~

AN: Thanks for reading!! Comment what you think about the story so far :D 


	3. Is It Too Late To Say Sorry?

Jinhwan was just sitting around the apartment grading papers and sipping a beer, his eyes tired from reading so many essays.  He had ordered delivery, but it would be a little longer until it arrived.  Taehyun and Mino were out on a date, something that Jinhwan had gotten used to.  These nights were harder than the others.  Being alone was still new, despite a month having passed from the night he left Bobby.  He sighed as he stretched in his seat, leaning back to close his eyes.  The next thing he knew the doorbell jolted him awake.  Jinhwan dashed to get the door and apologized for making the delivery man wait.  He fumbled with his wallet and almost dropped his dinner on his way back to the kitchen.  Taehyun and Mino got back soon after with big news for Jinhwan.

 

“Guess who our server was at the restaurant.”  Mino asked excitedly.

 

“Who?”  Jinhwan questioned.

 

“Bobby.”  Taehyun answered.  He talked faster as he recapped the night.  “I guess he moved locations.  We completely forgot where he worked, we were totally caught off guard.  Anyway, he asked about you but I think he knows how badly he fucked up because he only asked if you were happy and then he had this look on his face that was a mix of sadness and regret.  Honestly, he looked like such a lost puppy.  He looked like he wanted to keep asking about you but didn’t want to pressure us.”

 

“Jeez babe, take a breath.”  Mino put his hand on Taehyun’s shoulder to calm him down a little.

 

“We told him you were happy but honestly Jinhwan, we all know you miss him like crazy.  He said he got into a fight with Hanbin and that they’re not really on speaking terms anymore.”  Taehyun continued.  Jinhwan took a sip of his beer and looked down at the table.

 

“I didn’t mean for him to lose his best friend.  I mean, they’ve known each other for so long…”  

 

“You should talk to him.”  Mino said gently.  

 

Jinhwan’s mom called him that night.  She told him that his dad had some time off and that they wanted to visit him and Bobby in Seoul in a couple of weeks.  Jinhwan sighed and explained what happened to her.  She was caught completely off guard by the news.  When she asked if Jinhwan felt better after they broke up, he started crying again.  They talked on the phone for hours about the whole situation and Jinhwan wondered why he hadn’t asked his mom for advice sooner.

~~~~~~~

Jinhwan got out of work a little early and waited outside where Bobby normally was.  He had noticed that Bobby wasn’t waiting outside the school every day anymore, but every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and an occasional Friday.  Just as planned, Bobby walked up to the school with his hands in his pockets and was surprised to see Jinhwan waiting for him.

 

“Hey,”  Jinhwan started.  

 

“Hey.”  Bobby’s eyes were wide with shock.  He had to blink a couple times to make sure he was seeing the right thing.

 

“Um… Do you want to get a coffee?”  Jinhwan asked timidly.  

 

“Sure.”  Bobby answered.  Jinhwan nodded a little and started walking towards a nearby cafe.  Bobby didn’t want to push his luck so he kept his hands in his pockets.  They came up to a coffee shop near the school.  Bobby went to hold the door open for Jinhwan.  As they walked in the familiar and comforting scent of coffee surrounded them.  Bobby went to order both of their drinks, much to Jinhwan’s surprise.

 

“What?”  Bobby asked when he turned to stand by the pickup area for their coffees and saw Jinhwan’s expression.

 

“I didn’t think you even knew my coffee order.”  Jinhwan answered quietly.  

 

“Americano with milk and three sugars.  When you would bring me coffee in the morning you always left the receipt on the counter in the kitchen.”  For a moment, neither said anything.  Then the barista called out their drinks.  The two walked around the streets with their coffees in a peaceful silence.  They ended up on a bench in a park watching an old lady feed some birds.

 

“Jinhwan-”  “I have-”  They started at the same time.  

 

“You first.”  Jinhwan said.

 

“I’m sorry for how I behaved.  I know it was childish and that I should have taken responsibility.  And it was stupid of me to think you would just keep putting up with it.”  Bobby apologized.

 

“I didn’t want you to stop being friends with Hanbin.  I know how close you two are.  It’s m-”  

 

“Don’t apologize, it wasn’t your fault.  Besides, if I had to do it again I would.  Not just for you, for me.  I couldn’t say no to him, and that was hurting both of us.  Not to mention my liver.”  

 

“I can’t help but feel bad about it…”  Jinhwan trailed off.  Bobby set his hand over Jinhwan’s and squeezed it reassuringly.  

 

“It’s really okay Jinhwan.”  Bobby was glad Jinhwan hadn’t pulled his hand away.  The two of them stared at their hands for a while.  “I’m sorry.  For not listening to you.  For not listening to myself.  For realizing too late how much I need you.  For not seeing how much I hurt you.  For not keeping my promises.  For not being there for you.  I can keep going if you want but I think you get what I’m saying.” 

 

“It was really touching for a while.”  Jinhwan laughed a little and wiped his eyes.

 

“Seriously though, if I could go back and redo everything I would be the best boyfriend you ever had.”

  
“You already are.”  


	4. Forgiveness is the Final Form of Love

“I can’t believe that ass hole!”  Hanbin yelled as he paced around his apartment.  Donghyuk and Yunhyeong were playing a video game in the living room, listening to Hanbin rant.  “He unfriends me over that bitch Jinhwan!  We were friends years before he even met that guy but he picks  **him** over  **me** ?!”

 

“Hyung, you’re yelling too much.  The neighbors are going to complain again.”  Donghyuk commented, his eyes glued to the TV.

 

“Goddamnit guys, would you pay attention to me for once?!”  Hanbin stormed over and stood in front of the TV, blocking their gameplay.

 

“Hey!”  They exclaimed in unison.

 

“Listen, I get that you’re upset, but Bobby made a choice and you have to deal with it.”  Yunyeong said matter-of-factly.  He set his controller down after pausing the game and looked up at the steaming Hanbin.

 

“Bull shit!  He made the wrong choice!”  

 

“That’s what  **you** think, hyung.”  Donghyuk answered. 

 

“Ughh!”  Hanbin shouted in a final cry of defeat.  

~~~~~~~

“Do you want to come in?”  Bobby asked Jinhwan as they neared his apartment.  

 

“I should get home.  I have to catch up on grading.”  Jinhwan said, a slight frown on his face.  Bobby nodded but pouted a little.  

 

“Jinhwan?”  

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I, I know things won’t be the same and I don’t expect you to just forgive me in a heartbeat, but I miss you so much that I can barely sleep.  I need you, Jinhwan.”  

 

“Jiwon… I … I still need ...  time.”  Bobby nodded again and hung his head.  Jinhwan wanted so badly to hug him, to cuddle on the couch, to kiss him.  But he didn’t want his heart to be broken again.

 

“I’ll see you around then.”  Bobby turned to go into the building and Jinhwan paused outside the door before continuing on to Taehyun and Mino’s apartment.  

~~~~~~~

Jinhwan was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling in the pitch blackness of night.  

 

_ I shouldn’t have talked to him today.  It was too soon.   _

 

_ But it’s been almost two months now.  He’s changed.  It’ll be better now. _

 

_ But he’s said that before.  He’s said he would stop and he never did. _

 

Hours past and Jinhwan was still arguing with himself.  He pulled a book out to read himself to sleep and to distract his mind from Bobby.  It worked, eventually.  But he couldn’t get away from Bobby.

 

_ It was their first year anniversary and Jinhwan had been in class all day.  He got back to his dorm and threw himself onto the bed, exhausted both physically and mentally.  But when Bobby texted saying to look out the window, he couldn’t get up faster.  Bobby had spelled out “I love you” with post it notes on the glass.  One of them said to check the closet.  Jinhwan turned around and opened his closet to find a little box wrapped in silver paper.  Inside was another post it note saying to check the stairway.  Jinhwan pulled on a jacket and some shoes before heading back out.  There was a box, identical to the one in his closet, sitting on the railing of the stairs.  The note inside said to check the laundry room.  Jinhwan made his way down stairs and to the basement where he walked into the laundry room.  On top of one of the washing machines was Bobby, sitting with a little teddy bear that held another box.   _

 

_ “Thank god, it’s so warm down here.”  Bobby said as Jinhwan walked in.  He jumped down and went to kiss Jinhwan, holding the bear in one hand and the box in the other.  “Happy anniversary Jinny.”  _


End file.
